Comment Wall

Here is the link to my Storybook. Enjoy!


Image result for greek gods

Comments

  1. Hi Hannah,
    I love your intro. It is hard to say there is anything wrong with it for it is full of information and has very few grammatical errors because I did not see any. First, I will give some suggestions on what you could add. You describe the activities that the gods do throughout the day with detail but do not give any detail about the actual space its self. For example, you say they have a it all, but is it any different than a normal retirement home. Is it bigger to associate with the gods size because when I think gods, I think of big people? This is a small detail that could add to your story to help this retirement home stand out from a normal one. Now, don’t get me wrong, it does stand out for housing gods. Also, you might talk about who is taking care of the gods, because I see it that if a mortal is taking care of them and a god gets pissed off he could kill them. These are just some things you might think about to add to the story. I would also like to say good job with the foreshadowing for the three gods you will tell the story of. Otherwise your looking great so far.

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  2. Hello Hannah,
    I really liked your idea of having all the Greek gods at a retirement home. It makes me imagine just a bunch of old, cranky people bickering at each other and their past dramas, and if anyone knows anything about Greek mythology is that the gods have plenty of issues between them. Some suggestions I have for your story are minor: in the second paragraph when you say "3 o'clock roles around", I believe "roles" should be spelt "rolls". Also, for your third paragraph, I believe it could be split up into three smaller paragraphs, which would make it easier on the eye to read. The first split would be at the start of "Another interesting member of our community..." and the second at "Finally, we have Artemis..". Other than that, I'm exciting to see what squabbles occur at Olympiad Living and I thought your story was such a cool idea!

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  3. I loved how you decided to base your storybook around the gods/goddesses all living together in a retirement home. The thought instantly came to mind of the gods/goddesses all acting like cranky old people. You did a good job at covering that aspect from an overhead vantage point. Maybe try and give us a little bit more on the personal level. Which it sounds like you may already plan on doing that once you start writing the different perspectives. Definitely try to preserve that attitude of the deities on a personal level and you'll have a very enjoyable storybook!

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  4. Hey Hannah! I'm really impressed with how well this introduction was written. I almost felt like I was reading one of those brochures you find in a retirement home, describing the daily activities for residents. The only thing missing is the picture of someone completing a puzzle on the front cover! I'd be interested to hear a story from one of the employees who works there, since I'm sure they'd have some fantastic stories about what goes on at the retirement home. For example, I wonder if the gods still retain their same powers even into retirement, and what kind of incidents might occur if we trusted an elderly Zeus with his lightning bolts into retirement. Would these Yahtzee discussions spill over into Zeus throwing one at, say, Poseidon's room? Overall, I am extremely excited to see what else you can come up with as far as these stories from the gods. I can't wait to read them!

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  5. Hi Hannah! I am a huge fan of Greek mythology so you can imagine my excitement upon reading your description. I love your idea of putting all of the Greek gods and goddesses in a retirement home. It is creative and a hilarious spin on this project. Your introduction post is great! I love how detailed it is and how you foreshadow your stories. Also, it was a great idea to put some details about how each god and goddess previously had issues with one another before you’ve even written the story. I will definitely be coming back and reading your stories because this was a really great idea. I’ve read other introduction posts that were a lot shorter and less detailed than yours and I suggested that they make their introduction longer, so I’m happy to see that you put so much detail into your intro. Really great job!

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  6. I love this concept. I think it's hilarious to imagine the old beef that would resurface, especially in the context of a retirement home. I think about how all the old people I know have no chill, and the Olympians had no chill to begin with. Now the world has moved on to other gods and they've got nothing to do all day? Possibilities are endless! Personally, I find the centered-text format a little difficult to read, but I understand that it's meant to be a brochure, so I can understand the choice. I like it, can't wait to see more!

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  7. Hi Hannah, I really enjoyed reading your introduction! I especially like how it felt as if someone from Olynpiad living was having an actual conversation with me explaining the retirement home. I think this creates a really cool dynamic. Also, in addition to the conversation-like feel, it relays important information about your upcoming stories. I think this is great! It also has a true retirement home feel. Vivid (and sometimes exaggerated) storytelling, the importance of game time, a quite dinner… it’s all so real. I think you do a great job a capturing the realness of this situation. I also like how you are focusing on multiple aspects of Zeus’ family. I really enjoyed the conversational style and brochure-like nature of this introduction. I think it provides a perfect foundation to jump into your next stories. I am excited to see how you incorporate the retirement home theme into your upcoming stories.

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  8. Hi Hannah, I knew that your story would be awesome even before I read it because that is a really clever title name and the plot surrounding the story instantly drew my attention. my favorite part in the introduction story is when you are introducing the reader to your characters and the different personalities they have. That makes your reader think about how a certain god/goddess would act like if there actually was a retirement home for gods and goddesses. The character of Artemis really makes me wonder how she got into the home. Although you stated that she is a little less known, since she is the daughter of Zeus, Did you intend to make her have a heated rivalary with Hera? also is she meant to have an entitlement attitude to her character or is it only towards Hera? You might see what happens if you go more into detail about the game Yahtzee since not much was said about it except the fact that it stirs up trouble within the home. Maybe you could add some past experiences that occurred in the retirement home that lead to a terrible accident. Overall, I think you are on the right track to your story and I would love to see how Artemis and Hera go at it or other storylines that will surface when the story is done.

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  9. Hey there Hannah! I love that put all the Greek Gods and Goddesses into a retirement home together. It makes everything that happens so much more entertaining because most Greek mythological stories seems to always be overly-dramatic regardless of the seriousness in the situation. The connections the Gods all have with each other is also nice to see in this format because at the end of the day, they are all a family and it makes it seem like a small bickering match instead of a forever hateful relationship. Something that would help to add to the realism for me would be to use certain Gods and Goddess based on their status in Olympus. I found it slightly odd that Artemis is involved in the retirement home when Zeus is her father. Is there an age gap you're trying to go for? Maybe they could just come by and visit? Finding a separation would be helpful in making your story more believable even though it is based on mythological characters!

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  10. Hi Hannah! I want to start by saying that your creativity for this project is great, I love how you found a way to incorporate stories from very popular mythology gods in a fun way! Even by reading the home page I was immediately interested in the stories to come. You do a great job of setting the scenery so I have a good idea of what to picture and what is going on between the different characters. You set up the stories perfectly by describing the game scene and the cheating scenario. In your story you do a great job of using dialogue to portray each character's personality and what they are thinking at the moment. Your use of conversation made me feel as if I were there and made me picture it even better. My questions are if the gods all keep their powers in the retirement home? maybe some background on why they are in the home would be helpful and a fun side story to add! great job!

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  11. Hi Hannah,
    I really like the idea for your storybook! It is such a cool idea and I can’t wait to see what you do with it! I read your introduction and I just wanted to give you some feed back on that. Over all I think you did a great job. Understanding who is related to who when it comes to the gods is always hard for me and you made that really easy. I liked that you started out by welcoming the reader as though they might be going on a tour, but I wasn’t quite clear as I read on about the relationship between the reader and the narrator. It started to sound kind of like the narrator was gossiping as it went and I’m not sure if that is what someone giving/advertising a tour would be doing? So maybe thinking about who the reader is supposed to be, who the narrator is supposed to be, and what an interaction between them would be like in real life could help you streamline that. Additionally, your introduction had a summary of every story. I think that you could build a good amount of excitement and suspense by introducing the characters, but not telling the reader about their stories until you tell them. Just some suggestions! I look forward to reading more!
    -Cat

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  12. Hi Hannah, I really enjoyed reading your story! It is great! First off, I love how you took a classic story and transformed it into its own story being told. I can picture all of these old deities sitting around a table bickering at who is bigger, stronger, better while playing a classic board game. I love how you incorporated humor into your story, such as “As any normal father would do, he began to swallow his children…” I think this just adds to the retirement home feel. Also, you did a great job at accomplishing your goal of making Zeus the annoying younger brother. I also really like how you create new stories but also tell old stories through them (I hope that makes sense!). This story ties well into your introduction, and creates a very cohesive overall storybook. I can’t wait to read your next story. I’m sure it will be great!

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  13. Hi Hannah,
    I really enjoyed your project so far. The concept of putting the gods and goddesses into a retirement home together is a clever and funny idea. The extremely competitive Yahtzee games seem like a good way to create conflict and give an excuse for the various deities to boast and brag. I liked how you made Zeus super boastful and tell his story in a way that makes him look the best. I also liked how the other gods and goddess would sometimes complain about his self-centeredness and his stretching of the truth to make himself look better. In fact, I think it would be interesting if Zeus maybe changed some details of the story to make himself more of a hero and the other gods or goddesses could try to interrupt and say that wasn't the way it really happened. Overall though, I think a retirement home for the gods is a really interesting concept and I look forward to seeing what stories you create in the future.

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  14. Hey Hannah,
    I read your first story and was anxious to see how the rest would turn out so I came back to read your second story and again was impressed by the creativity and plot centered on a board game. I like how you were able to make a big deal out of a game of Yahtzee amongst Greek Gods because in reality, board games such as Yahtzee and Uno create so much conflict to the point where even friendships can end or the game opens up a can of worms that had not been explored in awhile. I wonder if you intend on turning Zeus into some sort of antagonist in the story because, in my opinion, I feel like one of them will turn into some sort of antagonist because of this little game. I think you should make some changes to the characters to establish some sort of confirmation that Zeus is indeed the character that is supposed to be likable. Other than that, I am really excited to see how your story turns out.

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  15. Hi Hannah! As a student in Indian Epics, I was delighted to have the chance to read a project website from you guys’ class this week! Your Introduction is so fun, full of original ideas, and well-built to hook the reader into continuing to explore the website. I love the promise to play with the differences of perspective among the gods, and the humor of both Yahtzee and a retirement home is undeniable. Messing with Yahtzee is indeed an abomination! Zeus and His Brothers: I love the playfully arrogant tone you use for Zeus- it’s reminiscent of some crazy family game nights of my own childhood, though more of a joke than our actual personalities. The general accustomedness of his siblings to his egotistical inclinations reads spot-on. Also, the pictures you picked are perfect! You do an excellent job of retelling these myths with the spin of perspective and the nursing home frame, and I’ll definitely be stopping back by to read more! Thanks for sharing!

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  16. Hi Hannah! I really liked your story! I am also doing a story related to the Greek Gods, so this one definitely peaked my interest. I thought you concept was really creative and funny. The retirement home setting was really unique. The Yahtzee game was very comical and nice touch. I think my family gets more riled up over Monopoly, but I've seen people go insane over all types of games. I loved your development of Zeus, and I thought it was really on point. I actually liked the way you established each character. I think it Zeus has some heroic stories and some not so heroic stories, and he isn't always going to come off as the good guy. I really liked your layout, too. I thought it was easy to read and lighthearted. Overall, I liked your story and I am excited to read more from you.

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  17. Hi Hannah! First of all, I absolutely love the overall concept of your story book! Greek gods and goddesses are my favorites, and I always like seeing the unique way people can retell their stories in original and unique ways. The intro is really fun to read, and I especially like how it’s told from the point of view of the retirement home. The only thing about the intro is I would play around with the placement of your zeus statue picture, and maybe put it at the side of the page instead of at the bottom. I think it would also work if you added like a picture of an actual retirement home or something fun because the picture of the yahtzee in your first story is kinda funny. I love the contrast between ancient gods and modern games. I’m excited to see what other little pop culture things you throw into your story. Great job!

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  18. Hi Hannah, I really enjoyed reading your story The Beauty Contest. I think all of your stories have been great and this one is no different. I think you do a fantastic job a writing a descriptive and imaginable story. I can’t help but picture the situation in my head as I am reading. This is such an admirable quality of your story’s. I also think you do a great job of providing enough descriptive for the reader to truly imagine the situation. Not only do you provide details but you describe movements, tones, expression descriptively. The humor in your story also creates a fun and interesting read. I love the arguing and nagging of the elderly gods and goddesses, and the exaggeration of their stories. It is very accurate and characteristic of the elderly! I also really like how each of your stories lead into each other and are very well connected. Great job!

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  19. Hello there, fellow classmate, Hannah! Well I guess we are not actually classmates as you are in Myth- Folklore and I am in Indian Epics. Nonetheless, I love your storybook. Putting Greek Gods together in a retirement home is by far the most unique concept for a project I have ever heard in my entire life. I love this different perspective, as it is one the most unique perspective I have ever seen in my entire life. The idea of all the famous and powerful Greek Gods performing water aerobics makes me laugh! The aesthetics of your page are great as well. In particular, I like the background image that you have chosen for this project. Your writing flows so very well. I could not think of any critiques at the time. Very well done. I could go on and on, but I believe I am finally at 150 words.

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  20. Hello Hannah, I thought that your story about the Greek Mythological Gods at a retirement home was absolutely fantastic. It is such a fun and creative idea to talk about the gods being old in a retirement home playing games such as Yahtzee. I also think you did a great job in adding history into the story as well such as the war on titans and how Cronus, the father, tried to eat all his children so he they would not take over his thrown. Also I thought you did a great job on writing the story. The dialogue for each character fits so well and really brings out the personality of each one. For your portfolio, I think that it is set up really well. Everything is organized and easy to navigate. One thing that might make it even better though is changing the cover picture for each story just to give each story its own extra touch.

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  21. Hey Hannah!
    I always look forward to gaining some more information about Greek mythology. I feel like I am familiar with the characteristics of a lot of the Greek Gods and Goddesses but I always hope to find some information about some of the lesser known ones (at least for me) and I was glad to learn something new while reading your project! One question that I had while reading through the stories was "Who is running the the heavens with all of the divine overhead in a retirement home?"
    I think it would be good to include a little explanation of what is going on in the world while everyone is in the retirement home. One more thing that caught my eye while I read through was that there is a small typo in the 4th paragraph of your Introduction ("Zelus" instead of "Zeus").
    Overall this was a really fun story to read through and I thought the idea behind it was very creative! I'm looking forward to reading more in the future.

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  22. Hi Hannah, I remember seeing your project when you just had the homepage and I was very curious to see where you would bring it. Now I am back and you have 2 stories up, so of course I had to read them! I love the concept of your story book, a retirement home for gods? I had never even thought about god's being able to get old, I always just assumed that they would stay in their perfect 20 something bodies for as long as they wanted! You make them sound so normal and human in your introduction and I love that. I started imagining Zeus sitting in his wheelchair with his lightning rod sticking out of his teacup, being a grumpy old man that scuffs at everyone that mentions Yahtzee. GReat job for making your characters seem so lifely!

    - Anna Margret

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  23. Hey Hannah, I really like your concept for this Storybook. Many people have been using concepts like this to tie together a hodgepodge of stories under one concept, but this is probably my favorite that I have seen. This one lends itself particularly well to connecting a myriad group of stories into one cohesive track as each story could be a memory shared. I wonder how some of the stories might proceed if one character began telling the story, and then other characters chimed in with their perspective. I like what you have done with the Zeus and His Brothers story. I like your use of dialogue to humanize the characters, but I think you also do a really good job of keeping the personalities of each character in their modern day version. I like how boisterous Zeus is, and I would have to imagine that this is how an old retired Zeus would behave. Overall great job with your project and best of luck moving forward!

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  24. Hey Hannah!

    I think this was a really cool idea to use the 'most known' Greek Gods and put them into a retirement home. it gets rid of the dramatics and makes for a very funny story and really shows the Gods and goddesses personalities. I think just because of that, these have been really fun to read! I liked that Yahtzee was the chosen game I love to play it and me and my mom have been playing it competitively for a while!

    I like that in these stories while they are funny, you also tell the stories of these Greek Gods and stay true to them. I especially liked the Beauty Contest. I like that even though it seems right it is not. I am excited to read the coming stories - i hope you also include an ending summary about how they lived an dhow long they stayed there!

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  25. Hey Hannah! I love the idea of your storybook because it lets us in on how the Gods felt about things that they were involved in in the past. I just finished reading Beauty Contest and I think it would be interesting to see Hera boast about the fact that she was the one that Zeus chose to marry and include the reasons why to show another reason why she thought she was superior to Aphrodite. I love how you include things like "You are the one notorious for being jealous" about Hera so that we can get more background information on what each god or goddess is known for without having to thoroughly research them. I also think it would be cool if you included information about what attributes Aphrodite had that she thought made her more beautiful than Hera, even without the validation of Paris.

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  26. Hello, Hannah!
    I wanted to take a different approach to feedback this week by sharing things that I thought might need to be corrected, followed by general comments on each story.

    Before I start, I would like to stay that your idea is fabulously comical. I love picturing all the crotchety Gods and Goddesses living in a retirement home!

    Intro:
    -You refer to the 'game center,' but I think it would flow better if you referred to it as the "gaming" center.
    -there is bad blood within this group"," that's for sure.

    I really like the picture that you have, but it is a little small and hidden down at the bottom. I bet if you placed it on either side of the story your readers will be able to see it better. I really enjoy how you set up your project in your intro. I feel like I am speaking to the owner/manager as if I were looking for a retirement community myself. It is also nice to have the third-person perspective.

    Zeus and His Brothers:
    -game center to "gaming" center.
    -Add a period or comma after the last 'okay' when Zeus talks for the first time.
    -You know what wasn't a group effort"?"
    -Luckily I have three of my siblings here today to "listen to"... (It is a little odd reading 'hear' right after 'here').
    -Add a exclamation mark after Zeus says "Back off Man!"
    -"Wow, you really have the biggest ego around here," Poseidon yelled. You need an exclamation mark at the end of the dialog if he is yelling.
    -"This is everyday Zeus behavior!" This could be reworded to something like, "This is Zeus' everyday behavior," or, "This is an everyday behavior for Zeus."
    -There is an extra space in the last line. It's right between 'boasted' and 'and.'
    Overall, I like your story. I love how egotistical you made Zeus. There is no doubt that he is the star of the story and that he knows it! I think the dialog between the characters is done well, it helps the reader understand the tension that is in the room. Personally, I was getting annoyed with Zeus' behavior like the rest of the group.

    Beauty Contest:
    -(I don't mean to be repetitive, just thought it would help you if you're reading this as you go through your project) 'game' to "gaming."
    -One thing I was confused about is how Zeus throws a party for the newlyweds, but then Eris (being upset about no invite) brings the golden apple for the fairest goddess. What I don't understand is why Eris decided to bring the apple for the prettiest goddess. Was this a competition that was arranged at the celebration? And, did Eris decide to crash the party? How did she know about it if she wasn't invited? There just seems to be a gap in information here.
    -Add exclamation point at the end of Hera's dialog. "...you wrinkly old goddess!"
    -"Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades all looked at each other and decided to not answer and keep their heads down. They knew they didn't want to start anything involving them." This was a little distracting to read. You could smooth is out by rearranging the sentence, maybe to something like, "Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades looked at each other and all decided not to answer. They kept their heads down because they didn't want to get involved with anything concerning those two."
    -"angrily walked back to her room." It is clear that she is angry, so you could add something to make her anger more visual by saying that she stomped to her room or something.

    You did a great job transitioning to the new story at the beginning and preparing the reader for the next story at the end. The Yahtzee game at 3 o'clock is perfect because the reader knows what to expect, in terms of drama and who is going to be there. I really like the sass and jealousy that you portray between these goddesses. I thought it was really funny that you had the Gods avoid any involvement, knowing that they'd probably get their heads ripped off or something.

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  27. Hey Hannah,

    I just got through reading your story of Zeus and His Brothers, and thought you did a really good job portraying that relationship. It is not unlike the way a typical sibling rivalry plays out today. What I was most impressed with was the way you pulled Zeus's accomplishments into the conversation, how he just casually brings up all the things he did as if it were what everyone was already interested in. That paints a really good picture of Zeus while also adding your own creative elements to it. I didn't see much that I would change, just a spacing error here or an extra punctuation there, like in the last line of the actual story. It looks like you just accidentally pressed the space bar twice instead of once, which is a super easy fix that you can make in a few seconds. Anyway, great story, and good luck in the rest of the semester!

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  28. Hey there Hannah! I just got the chance to read through your storybook and I really loved the overall theme that you chose! Since I am in Professor Gibbs' other class, I am not as familiar with the stories that you have read, but I still feel like I was able to understand what was going on in the original story and grasp on to the things you have changed too. Greek mythology has always been of interest to me personally, and so I was able to connect with your writing quite easily. You did a great job in using some descriptive words that really set the text over the top and into a new level. I also really love your "Beauty Contest" story the most because it lived up to the hype of the title in which my interest was immediately peaked. I really look forward to checking out your page in the future as the semester comes to a close. Great job overall!

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  29. Hey Hannah, I really like what you have done as you continue to develop this story. I think it is hilarious that the daily Yahtzee game is the centerpiece of, and what essentially explains, the plot. This give the Project a light feel about it. I also like how you were able to cover many of the male gods with Zeus and His Brothers and the female Gods with this beauty contest. I wonder how you will end this project and what the final episode will revolve around. One thing you could use as the final episode is the great battles against the Titans. This could be a memory that has a bit more finality to it than other options, and could potentially unite the Gods together against a common enemy. I like your use of images in both stories. Having these images embedded within the story helps make it much more vivid. Overall, great job! I am excited to see where you take this next.

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  30. Hey Hannarh,

    After reading your story, "Zeus and His Brothers," I decided I had to come back and read your story of the Beauty Contest as well. I am quite familiar with the original take on this story, so I was hoping I could either enjoy it and not feel like I needed to suggest any changes, or provide some insight on the story! I still like the concept of the gods retelling their stories themselves as opposed to some narrator giving it, and in this case I thought you portrayed the relationship between Hera and Aphrodite pretty well. The only constructive remarks I had were that I think you may have missed a word here and there. "...the beauty contest which claimed the prize of the golden apple" I think was meant to be "...the beauty contest in which she claimed the prize of the golden apple." It could be that you just missed the words, so it's not a big deal, and it's an easy fix! Good luck in the final week!

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  31. Hello Hannah,

    Let's start at the concept of your storybook which literally makes me smile because of how original and ingenious it is. I love the idea of the gods going to retirement and having these stories among them. I think it is especially believable and enjoyable because you make the story so realistic. There is a messed up family (of course there is, it is the Greek gods!) and you bring them to current day American society with such ease that the reader forgets that they do not belong in our cultural identity. The two specific stories you have are also very relate-able, who hasn't gotten into an argument while playing board games? The work you did in reading the classical stories and then crafting a background for each of the characters observed and then translating it into the modern day has not been for nothing because your storybook is incredible enjoyable and vivid in detail. I am so glad that I stumbled upon your project tonight!

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  32. Hi Hannah! I'm going to start off by agreeing with what Muneeb above me said in his first sentence. As I was going through the projects to see which ones I wanted to read to give feedback to, I saw the title of yours and literally chuckled because the idea is indeed ingenious. I love Greek mythology so I love that you've created such fun stories to read about the gods and goddesses living in a retirement home. Your introduction itself was so fun to read that I was very excited to read the rest of your stories. I think you did such a great job at describing the gods and goddesses in your introduction as well. You kept the characteristics that everyone knows them for but also gave them a different personality as well. My favorite story was the "Zeus and His Brothers" one. I think that was such a fun story about sibling rivalry and how a fight between siblings usually goes. Overall, you've done an awesome job with this storybook!

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  33. Hi Hannah,
    I don't think that my feedback this time will be much different than the feedback I gave on your project before. This is probably because the thing I like the most about your project, the theme and the setting (and I guess the characters?) hasn't changed. I think that you've come up with a great way to be able to have these gods tells these stories as if they were just normal people reminiscing about the things they once did together. Basically, I really like how you are able to give these gods very human-like voices when they are telling their stories. The drama and the fighting and the bickering help keep the stories interesting, even though you don't stray far from the original story (which isn't a bad thing). As a probably said before the last time I gave feedback on this project, I think you did an excellent job.

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